over and over again

welcome back my blog...
by now i think no one will read the blog after 6 months of not writing anything.

this few days have been distressing.
i thought of you peeps in melbourne.
i miss my life, my friends and my lifestyle back there though i seriously think that back in melbourne nothing much has happen except myself.
blur right?
but anyway...
i miss you all very much thought of you all often but i did not update myself.
my fault.
i should have called, i should message you all.
but wat can i say?
everything changes right?
people whom i cared back there too is busy and all soughts.
but i misses you all much.
i should have change by now in adelaide to be a better person
but no.
i did not.
i turn to a person whom i dislike.
alot.
i have spoken mandarin, learn faul languages that never thought i would become.
but thats the friends i makes here.
but their nice people
lots of nonsense but people here is not as complicated as people there
the life here is not as complicated has life back in melbourne.
but i really prefer my complicated life.
at least it was a wonderful life for me.

ti hate myself today. alot
when can i be independant?
when can i grow up?
hate
hate
hate
love you peeps.

misses and hugs.

3 months...it ain't long but it ain't short either.
10 months of leaving the lovely place it felt like eternal.

some how i know everything's over.
i should be glad.
everything thought me a valuable lesson.
a lesson that my mum told me before but i just could not be bothered listening too.
now i know how true her words arr...
what i have done before...now im regretting it.
thank you.
'you make my day better and better...'
will grow stronger...the lesson that i learn is indeed a great impact on me.
do u ever realise how selfish you can be?
do u ever realise how fuck up sometimes you can be?
but the most important thing is...
do u realise that you are not a good friend after all.

im tired.
so tired of everything...my parents, my studies, my life, my friends ....absolutely everything.
is one of my moods again.
i dont know i should be happy, excited or sad?
i cant feel the anxiety in me.
damn everything.
need to clear of my mind.
need da only thing i know i might never have.
need da booze right now.
hopefully i could go and take the booze tonight.
it'll help...

im falling....falling so badly.
i dunno when i start feeling this way...but is killing me.
i miss everything so much...but i know this is also a new beginning for me.
beginning for wat?...time will tell.
my head aches my eyes are in pain.
im so afraid that i might be going to hell one day.
damn...
im afraid.
where is a friend when you need one?
evrything change...da world seems to spin without me knowing.
i dont blame anyone...i dont blame the world.
i blame myself.
im hiding behind the lights, i feel like a gurl transparent.
i need to feel right again.

-wishing upon a star-

fucked it.
im screwing up my future.
whats wrong with me?
im scared.
save me.

have a long chat with em bout my personality.
n at the end..i do not know bout myself at all.
i really dont know.
i dont know wat to do.
i really want to talk to you but im afraid wat i will think next.
i think too much..you all should know.
but anyway...
ppl good luck for psych tomorrow.

i know i will be burn to hell.
just let me be the way i am right now.

i need something to drain my sorrows away.